Hiatus is Over

It seems like the older I get, the faster time seems to fly.  I kept meaning to sit down and write something and kept saying, “I’ll do it tomorrow.”  Problem is, you keep saying that and “tomorrow” never comes.

I’m turning 50 this year.  Part of me dreads that I’m going to be that old.  Part of me says I should be thankful I’ve made it this far.  Part of me says there’s no way I can be 50 because I don’t feel like it.  People tell me I don’t look 50 so I’d like to believe I don’t look my age; however, I look in the mirror and think I look old or have days where I feel much older.  Everyone wants to make a big deal about it being the big five-O; but I’d rather just let it slide by without notice.  I took the week off work so I could sort of “vanish” around my birthday.  I’ll probably spend it alone with my dog out in the middle of nowhere taking pictures of whatever I can find.

Now that I’m basically halfway through life, I can’t help but wonder just how much time I have left.  I’ve had thoughts where I wonder just what my purpose in life is, aside from taking care of my paralyzed dog and working all the time.  I can’t seem to find a decent man who is worth putting forth the effort for a relationship so I’ve given up on that all together.  I’ve been on my own from the age of 17 and figure if I haven’t found anyone in that amount of time, then I probably never will.  So I choose to enjoy my life by myself even if it means little bouts of slight depression here and there.  Being alone all the time does tend to get to a person.

One thing I have learned about myself is I am now at that age where I have no problem deciding who I don’t want around me or in my life.  At one time, I would be more concerned about someone thinking I was mean if I didn’t remain friends, keep in touch, or put up with drama that they were dropping on my doorstep.  Now, if I don’t want to be friends with someone, I just don’t remain friends with that person.  I choose to keep in touch with those whom I consider close friends or family.  And, as for the drama, I have no problem sending someone packing now–bring me drama, watch me walk away and not look back.

Over all, I’m basically happy with my life as it is.  I still think it would be nice to have someone with whom to share things; however, I’m not going to wait around for him.  I’m going to enjoy my life to the best of my ability and do the things I want to do.  I’m concentrating a lot on my photography and the photography classes for which I’ve signed up.  I spend a lot of time with my dog as he’s older now, and I suspect the paralysis will probably shorten his lifespan.  I decided we’re going to make the best of what time we have left.

I’m going to make more of an effort to blog more consistently.  I’ve set a goal to try to write something at least once a week – no matter the subject.  So look out world……..here I come!

 

 

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~ by unknown2neone on April 17, 2017.

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